Holding On and Letting Go
by easiertolie
Summary: Sequel to Never Let Me Go. Castle meets his father. "He couldn't move. The cool glass and Kate's warmth against his side were the only things grounding him. 'I don't want to do this, Kate.'"
1. Chapter 1

_It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't_

_It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed_

_Some prayers find an answer_

_Some prayers never know_

_We're holding on and letting go_

_Yeah, we're letting go_

**Holding On and Letting Go**

He had done it again.

She doesn't know why she's surprised. She saw his face in the hospital, that carefully veiled devastation as she pushed him out of her life. And if it were the other way around. If it were him on the other end of those crosshairs...yeah.

Still, he went behind her back. And that...hurt.

They'd been together for almost a month. It was seamless, easy. Perfect.

They hadn't told anyone yet, but they weren't exactly hiding it either.

He told her he was waiting until he had something concrete. But he didn't. Nothing was coming, so he told her. Like a band-aid. And it was painful. She couldn't push down the ache that had settled in her chest. And she was trying. She was _really _trying to not care. To pretend that her mother's case still didn't rip her in two.

So, she ran away, barely giving him a chance to explain. She didn't want to hear it. It seemed she didn't have any other response to her mother's case. Even after all the therapy. All the fixing. All the waiting, she still ran.

Pressing her fingers into the skin between her breasts, pulled tight by scar tissue, she checked her phone. Twenty-eight missed calls, forty-three text messages.

Shit.

She should call him. But, she can't make herself push the button. Her thumbs hovers uselessly over his name.

She's surprised he hasn't shown up at the precinct. They were in the middle of a case. A case he was intrigued by. For the majority of yesterday she couldn't get him to stop spouting one ridiculous theory after another. She hid her amusement poorly, behind her coffee cup.

All she wanted to do last night was slip into bed with him and de-stress. Instead, she found herself wandering the ice slicked sidewalks of New York City for hours, before she wound up in front of the board.

He loved her. She was sure of that. The way he looked at her, there was no doubt. The look on he face when he told her, tried to make her see, that he couldn't lose her. Not again.

Yeah, she's an idiot.

Esposito and Ryan brushed past her, escorting a man into interrogation.

Good. That meant they found the man writing the story about their victim. This case was one dead end after another. Their high profile victim was found in the park, strangled. He was clean of any prints or fibers. No one in his life could shed any light on why this might have happened.

Finally, early this morning, tech pulled a deleted email about the date an interview with him would be published. She had sent Ryan and Espo to find and pick up the journalist who wrote it. At least something was going right today.

She took a steadying breath, clearing her mind. She need to focus on the case. So, before heading into the observation room to find out what the boys knew, she sent Castle a text. Short and simple.

_I'm sorry. I love you._

_..._

The man sitting on the other side of the glass was older than she expected. His hair was grayed, but thick. Shoulders broad and stiff. He sat, square jawed, hands folded neatly on the table in front of him. His eyes blue and clear, patient.

"What do we know about this guy, Ryan?" She asked, unable to tear her eyes from the older man. Something about him was so familiar...

"Meet Alexander Bishop, investigative journalist," Ryan said, glancing up from the file in his hands, throwing a thumb in the man's direction. "He's like an older Jameson Rook, right?"

Kate choked on her sip of coffee and was now coughing, trying to get air into her lungs.

Oh, God.

"Beckett?"

She quickly looked out into the bullpen before remembering Castle wasn't there today. Thank God.

_Still, shit. _

"Who?" She asked again, just to be sure. Maybe she heard Ryan wrong. It might have just been the man's startling resemblance to her partner that made her think...She shook her hand, trying to dislodge the thought.

"Um, Alexander Bishop. He writes freelance for a couple high brow magazines. He was working on a piece about our vic for..." he flipped through his notes, until he found what he was looking for. "..._Vanity Fair,_" he finished with a nod, clearly impressed. "Not bad. You know him?" He glanced at Espo. "Beckett?"

She doesn't hear him though. Her eyes were glued to the man in the next room. The man who, now that she's really looking, reminded her so much of Castle.

"Beckett," Esposito tried, a little louder than his partner.

"What?" She asked, startled from her thoughts. Namely, how she was going to tell Castle about this. She was now suddenly grateful for their fight, for the timing of it all. Castle had made the decision a month ago not to contact his father. This seemed like a cruel twist of fate, brining back the man who had abandoned him and his mother all those years ago.

Ryan and Esposito were looking at her, eyes laced with brotherly concern. She pressed the heel of her free hand into her eye.

"He's Castle's dad," she said on a sigh, combing her fingers through her hair.

...

Castle might have been sitting outside the precinct for a few hours. He drove a car, parked it down the block and waited. He was going to run out of gas before he heard back from her. He'd been trying to figure out how he was going to tell her about his investigation since Christmas. It was at the back of his mind every single minute they were together this past month.

He hurt her. He knew that. It was all over her face. She was in pain, and it was because of him. He hated himself for doing that to her. But she had to understand, he couldn't watch her get shot again. Or watch her flatline in the back of an ambulance. Just the thought had bile rising in his throat, threatening to choke him.

His fell back against the headrest, eyes sliding shut. Waiting. You think he'd be used to it by now. Waiting for her.

He must have dozed off, which is unsurprising since he didn't sleep at all last night. He was woken by the vibration of his phone against the dash. A text message. From her.

He almost sobbed in relief when he read it. The tightness in his chest easing almost instantly. He threw open the car door, scrambling to get to her. He just needed to see her. Touch her.

He stopped short of the precinct doors, deciding he shouldn't go up empty handed. Coffee. Coffee always helped.

Ten minutes later he was back at the twelfth, a tray of cups in one hand a pastry bag in the other. The elevator seemed to move slower than usual. He tapped his foot impatiently, unable to be still. It was going to be OK. She still loved him.

Her desk was empty. A few things had been added to the board. They'd probably gotten at least one new lead since yesterday. Her coat was hanging on the back of her chair, so she was here somewhere.

His eyes scanned the room. The door of the interrogation room was closed, but the observation room was open. He could see her back was to him and that she was deep in conversation with Ryan and Esposito. They were taking turns glancing through the glass to whoever they were holding on the other side.

Which meant he hadn't missed anything yet. Good.

...

She was telling her boys to conduct the interview without her, when she saw Esposito's eyes widen. She heard _and _felt the coffee that Castle had been carrying hit the floor. She spun on her heal. His face was paled, eyes locked on Bishop through the one-way mirror. His hands were shaking.

Kate glanced at the boys, telling them with a look to do as she asked. They pushed past Castle, each clapping a comforting hand on his shoulder. Once they were safely on the other side, Kate reached around Rick, shutting the door.

"Hey," she said softly, reaching a hand out to his arm, squeezing lightly. He flinched at the contact, then turned his eyes to her.

"Kate," his voice cracked, "Why is he here?"

Her heart twisted painfully in her chest. He was back to that broken man who showed up at her door on Christmas Eve, just four short weeks ago. She tugged on his arm, forcing him to turn and face her. His eyes slid to hers, softening slightly.

"I'm sorry," she murmured, wrapping her arms around his waist. She felt him hesitate before hugging her back. He sighed, burying his face in her hair, breathing her in.

"No, I'm sorry Kate. I should've told you right away..." She pulled away to reach his mouth, silencing him with a soft kiss and a shake of her head.

"We're good. We'll talk about that later. After we deal with him," she said, trying on a barely there grin. His lips twitched. "He doesn't even have to know you're here, Castle."

He sighed and turned back toward the interrogation, pulling Kate against his side, dropping a kiss to her temple.

Ryan and Espo were grilling the older man about his research and interview methods, asking what he knew about the victims recent activities and for an alibi.

"I'll gladly turn over all my notes, everything I have, but I didn't see him that day. I was writing," Bishop said, running a hand over his face looking borderline amused. He looked around the room and then back to the detectives sitting across from him. "Hey...this is the twelfth precinct right?"

Espo glanced at Ryan and then nodded.

"Yeah, why?" Ryan asked, leaning across the table.

"Isn't this where Richard Castle does his 'research'?" He asked, an eye brow cocked, playful grin across his mouth. Ryan and Esposito sat stone faced, refusing to answer.

Castle swore under his breath and let his head fall with a thud against the glass.

"I'll take that as a yes," Bishop said, still smiling.

He couldn't move. The cool glass and Kate's warmth against his side were the only things grounding him.

"I don't want to do this, Kate."


	2. Chapter 2

_It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't_

_It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed_

_Some prayers find an answer_

_Some prayers never know_

_We're holding on and letting go_

_Yeah, we're letting go_

**Holding On and Letting Go**

Chapter Two

Kate watched Castle stare at his father, not sure what to say or do to make it better. Because what she _wanted _to do, was go into the next room and slam that asshole's head into the table.

But...that wouldn't help.

So instead, she wedged herself between Castle and his father. Her heels brought her just about even with Castle, forcing eye contact.

She slipped her arms between his jacket and shirt, snaking them around his back, pulling him close. She pressed her mouth to his jaw, then to his chin, before finding his lips. She could feel his hesitation.

She had rules against this.

And they had been good so far. Castle was impressively self-restrained and professional. It was rather unnerving at first. But right now, he needed this. And hell, after last night, she did too.

He sighed, the tension leaving his body.

He pressed her further into the glass, palms cradling her face, his touch contrasting with the urgency of his mouth slanting against hers. When breathing became an issue they pulled apart, but only slightly.

"You don't have to _do_ anything, Rick," she said, dragging a thumb over his lower lip. "As soon as they're done I will personally kick his ass out of here."

Castle huffed out a laugh, grinning. He lowered his mouth again, searching. She brushed her lips across his briefly. Too quick. The rule breaking apparently over.

"Thank you," he said quietly. "For distracting me again. You're very good at it," he said eyes dancing.

"I know something else that might help," she said, teasing. She watched his Adam's apple bob, eyes wide and dark, a dozen different precinct fantasies no doubt running through his head.

"Make me a coffee. You spilled mine...and yours." She said, eyes shifting to the cream-colored puddle and two empty paper cups on the floor at their feet. Her hands fell to his hips, lightly gripping.

He groaned, shaking his head.

"Tease," he murmured. She grinned, running her hands up his chest, tugging on the lapels of his suit coat.

"Is it working?" She asked, biting her lip. He smiled softly, his eyes tender.

"Yeah," he sighed, stealing another rule-shattering kiss. "It is."

"Good," she said, at bit breathless, pushing against his chest. "Go. I'll clean this up."

"I love you," he said, his eyes boring straight through her, taking her breath.

"I love you, too."

...

She quickly disposed of the cups and sopped up the mess, wiping the stickiness off the floor with a roll of paper towel someone had left on the desk.

Kate leaned against the door frame and looked toward the break room. She could see Castle through the blinds, busying himself with the simple task, something she's sure he could do in his sleep by now.

She watched as Ryan and Esposito wrapped up the interview. Bishop pulled a business card from his wallet, offering his assistance to the case. Kate rolled her eyes and prayed they wouldn't need him anymore.

She felt Castle at her back, his breath hot at her neck. She carefully took the steaming mug from him hands, sipping it slowly. She leaned back into Castle's chest, sighing loudly.

"They're almost done," she murmured.

Castle wound an arm around her waist, his large hand splayed flat against her abdomen.

"So..." Castle breathed in her ear. "How much longer are you going to let me get away with touching you here?" He asked, as the boys ushered Bishop out into the bullpen. She grinned, turning in his arms, expertly, spilling no coffee.

"About three more minutes," she laughed. "Then, you're going to have to wait until tonight."

He smiled. It was weak, but genuine.

"Can I come to your place? My mother will be home, and I just-she'll see it all over my face..."

"Yeah, of course," she said quickly. Of course, he could. There was no way he was spending tonight without her.

"How much time do I have left?" He asked, his face hopeful. She smiled, griping his shirt and pulling his mouth back to hers. He grinned against her, a chuckle slipping from his mouth to hers. She sighed, parting her lips, touching her tongue to his.

Neither one of them heard the door open. It wasn't until Esposito cleared his throat that they jumped apart, the coffee cup slipping from her grasp, shattering on the floor. The boys stood, arms crossed, with amused smirks and raised eyebrows, clearly waiting for some kind of explanation from them.

When Castle glanced back at Kate she was covering her mouth with the back of her hand, her face tinged with pink.

"So, where are we?" Kate asked, clearly her throat, back to business.

"Really?" Esposito asked, grinning. Castle was studying his hands, attempting to avoid prying eyes, trying not to smile.

Kate leveled a glare at them until their expressions sobered.

"Really."

Ryan filled them in, trying to avoid saying Bishop's name. He was the reporter, the journalist but never Alexander or Bishop. Castle's dad was going to send over all the research he had accumulated via bike messenger later that afternoon.

Kate noticed Castle's fist clench when Ryan handed her Bishop's business card. She slipped in quickly into her pocket.

Having been caught up, Kate moved to go update the board. In one synchronized move, Ryan and Esposito, slid to their right, effectively blocking the door.

"So..." Esposito said, that amused smirk curling his lips. "You guys are..."

Castle looked nervously at Kate, who just rolled her eyes.

"Yes. Castle and I are together. Now, clean up that coffee."

Both detectives' faces split into wide grins, as they moved aside. Beckett shook her head, amused, and pushed past them. She immediately scanned the bullpen. It looked like Bishop had left.

Thank God.

Castle followed closely behind her, turning at the last second.

"Hey, don't tell Gates. Please?" he begged.

...

Thirty minutes later Lanie called with new information about the body. She sounded a little irritated. Her conversation clipped and cold. Beckett glared at Esposito. If he texted Lanie before Kate had a chance to tell her...

She was going to kick his ass.

His eyes dropped guiltily as he groped blindly for his phone, hastily typing on the tiny slide-out keyboard. She actually heard Lanie's phone go off in the background.

This was the part she wasn't looking forward to. Everyone finding out and telling her I told you so.

It was going to be annoying, but always inevitable.

She went to grab her coat, but found Castle was already holding it out for her. She let him help her shrug it on, feeling eyes on them. After a quick scan of the room she realized their make-out session

must have been seen by more than just the boys.

Shit.

Gates' office door was thankfully closed, blinds shut. Hopefully, her coworkers will keep their mouths shut. At least until she can figure out how to tell her without Castle getting kicked out.

When the elevator doors closed, Kate let out a slow breath.

"You OK? With everyone knowing?" Castle asked timidly.

She smiled softly at him, sliding her hand into his, twining their fingers.

"Of course," she said bumping his hip. "I'm more concerned they hadn't figured it out yet," she said with a shake of her head.

Castle laughed, his eyes crinkling. She couldn't help but reach up and smooth her thumb down his temple.

"Have you figured out what you're going to say to Lanie yet?" He asked, mirth in his eyes.

"No," she groaned. "She's going to _kill_ me."

"Yeah, she is," he said laughing.

The elevator arrived at the lobby with a loud ding. He exited first, dragging her behind him. They had only made it a few feet when Castle skidded to a halt. Kate walked right in to his back.

"Castle?" She asked, pushing up on her toes so she could see over his shoulder.

Damnit.

Alexander Bishop was leaning against the front wall. Waiting.

His eye were locked on them, Castle completely still in front of her.

"There you are." The old man said smiling. He pushed himself off the wall, striding toward them, hand poised to shake. "Alexander Bishop, I'm your father."

Castle's hand squeezed Kate's. _Tight_. She crowded him, pressing her entire right side to his left, squeezing back, aiming for comfort.

"No, you're not."


	3. Chapter 3

_It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't_

_It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed_

_Some prayers find an answer_

_Some prayers never know_

_We're holding on and letting go_

_Yeah, we're letting go_

**Holding On and Letting Go**

Chapter Three

_"No, you're not."_

_..._

Castle didn't sound angry or bitter, just resigned. His voice was quiet, even. He was still beside her.

The smile slid right off Bishop's face. His eyes clouded with guilt and shame. She watched his jaw clench, eyes tighten.

"Yeah, you're right," he said, slowly approaching them. "That's fair." He stopped about a foot in front of them, giving Kate her first good look at Castle's father.

The resemblance to the man standing flush against her side was unsettling. It was like she was looking twenty years into the future.

"What do you want, Mr. Bishop?" Castle said, sounding completely detached.

Bishop glanced at Kate and then refocused on his son.

"I know you are busy with the investigation, but I was wondering if we could have a drink...and then, if you want, I'll leave you alone. You won't hear from me again."

Castle stared at the man for a long moment, trying to read his face, determine his sincerity. Kate waited, holding her breath, squeezing his hand in support. Finally, Castle lifted his shoulders, shrugging.

"OK."

...

As they drove to the morgue Kate kept stealing glances at her partner. He seemed fine. She wasn't sure how. But he did.

"I'm fine, Kate."

They were stopped at a red light. She turned in her seat, bottom lip between her teeth, studying him. He was looking out his window, his face relaxed, seemingly unburdened.

"You sure?"

He sighed and turned back to her, nodding.

"Will you come with me tonight?" He asked shyly.

"Of course," she responded quickly.

He smiled at her, light and bright, leaning over the console to press his mouth to hers. A car honking startled them both. Castle laughed, returning to his side of the car.

"Light's green," he said grinning.

She glared at him out of the corner of her eye, mouth twitching, as she hit the gas.

...

"How pissed off do you think Lanie will be?" Castle asked as they rode the elevator down to the morgue.

She cringed just imagining the ME's wrath. Kate had never been an open person, but Lanie had been prying personal information out of her for years. Kate was surprised Lanie hadn't picked up on it yet. And Kate was willing to bet her friend was just as annoyed at herself for not noticing.

Because to Kate, everything felt different.

Every single interaction with Rick was laced with an undercurrent of tension. And it was not tension from withholding, but tension from holding back. They spent all day in the precinct very carefully not touching each other. So, by the time they left they were both buzzing with need.

Kate swallowed hard, pushing that need back down, saving it for later. As the elevator reached its destination, she finally answered him.

"She's going to kick my ass," Kate said. "Yours too."

Castle nodded, following her out off the lift.

"Awesome."

...

"How long?"

Kate stood across from Lanie, their vic between them on the table. The ME had spoken with out looking up from her work.

"Lanie-"

"How. Long?" The ME repeated, lifting her eyes, glaring at Kate.

Kate looked back at her, eyes tight and focused, refusing to be bullied. Castle was looking everywhere _but_ at the two of them, the stark white ceiling suddenly very interesting.

Kate shifted under Lanie's scrutiny, finally breaking.

"Christmas Eve," she sighed, glancing at Castle, who's attention was now on his twisting hands. He looked up. Catching the soft expression on his girlfriend's face, he couldn't help the smile that enveloped his.

Lanie cleared her throat, bringing their focus back to her. She was grinning at them.

"_Finally,"_ she sang. "But," she said, looking at Kate. "Don't think you're off the hook. We are going for drinks and _soon_."

"Got it," the detective said with a nod.

"Can I come?" Castle asked, bouncing up onto his toes.

"No," Lanie snapped, sending his heels crashing back to the ground as he pouted.

Kate stifled a smile, pressing her lips into a firm line.

"So, what do you have for us?"

...

"Tell me again why you wanted to meet here?" Kate asked as she slammed her car door and shoved her hands into her coat pockets. She waited for him on the sidewalk while he rounded the car.

"Home field advantage. It's my bar, so I can kick him out," he said with a shrug. "If the need be," he added.

They parked a block away from The Old Haunt and the wind was especially brisk tonight. Kate pushed her nose into her scarf and burrowed further into Castle's side.

"If you want to leave, for whatever reason, just say so," she said as they made their way down the well salted stairs. He squeezed her shoulder before dropping his arm, holding the door open for her.

They ducked in, immediately hit with a burst of hot air. He shrugged his coat off and scanned the room. Alexander Bishop was sitting in the furthest booth back, facing the door. His hands cradled a tumbler of amber liquid as he was studying the many photos that decorated the walls.

Castle hung their coats up behind the bar before grabbing two bottles of beer from the cooler. The Haunt was quiet tonight. It was mostly regulars perched at the bar itself and a few after work types scattered throughout the booths.

Kate slid into the booth first, startling Bishop. She smiled tightly at him as Castle sat down next to her. He scooted over until his side pressed against hers. She dropped a hand to his thigh and squeezed as he draped his arm across the back of the booth.

"So, what do you want?" Castle asked, taking a long sip of his beer. His tone was casual, but Kate could feel him vibrating beneath her hand.

He was nervous.

She could tell he was trying so hard not to care, to pretend the man across from them wasn't the other half of his DNA. That Bishop wasn't the person he had convinced himself he didn't need.

"I just wanted to meet you," the man said softly, a tired smile curving his lips. "That's all."


	4. Chapter 4

_It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't_

_It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed_

_Some prayers find an answer_

_Some prayers never know_

_We're holding on and letting go_

_Yeah, we're letting go_

**Holding On and Letting Go**

Chapter Four

...

Castle was unusually quiet on the ride back to her apartment. He sat, hand tangled with hers, watching out the window.

Alexander Bishop hadn't been what either of them expected. At all.

They rode the elevator in silence as well. She fought the urge to speak, pushing her questions down, giving him time to process.

He followed her through her front door. She headed straight for her bedroom, turning back to find him stopped in the kitchen, slumping down onto a stool. She sighed and quickly put her badge and gun in their box. Her clothes were stifling, constricting her breathing, so she kicked her heels off and changed into a pair of sweats and one of his t-shirts.

Much better.

Kate found Castle, still on the stool, staring at his hands. A blank look on his face.

She moved into his eye line, drawing a soft smile from him.

"Hey," she said as pushed her way between his legs, hands traveling up and down his thighs. "How are you doing?"

He shrugged. "Fine."

Kate raised her eyebrows, calling his bluff. She draped her arms over his shoulders as his hands found her hips.

"Alright, maybe not _fine._ Surprised?" he sighed. "I kind of like the guy...how messed up is that?"

"It's not messed up," she murmured, scratching the base of his skull. He leaned back into her touch.

The man reminded her a little bit of the Castle she met on the Tisdale case. Not that she would never tell Rick that. He was charming, arrogant, and handsome. And the longer she looked at him, the more striking their resemblance became.

But as they talked, that all slipped away. He explained quietly that he never wanted to be a father and he walked away because he knew he'd be horrible at it. In the past forty years, he averaged 9 months of traveling a year. He said sent money when he could, but he only started being published by the big names in the last fifteen years.

"Did you see all that hair on his head?" she asked, teasing, tugging lightly on the fine hairs scattered across his nape. The corner of his mouth twitched as he shook his head.

"So vain," he muttered, squeezing her waist, pulling a squeak of protest from her.

"I can't believe he's read all my books..."

The pride was clear and shining when Bishop told Castle that. He had been in JFK looking for something to read when he came across one of Castle's novels. He had picked it up, and was scanning the back cover when the woman next to him gave her glowing recommendation and mentioned the author was the son of '_that actress Martha Rodgers.' _

So, when he had gotten back from his assignment, he went out and bought all of Castle's novels. He particularly liked the Nikki Heat series. He had even tried to weasel a few spoilers out of his son.

"Yeah. Me neither."

When Castle had asked him why he wanted to meet him now, his dad shrugged.

_"Because I'm not getting any younger and not knowing you...I regret it."_

Castle was staring, just past her shoulder. She pushed back on his chest until he was looking at her again.

"Are you going to tell your mom and Alexis?" she asked softly.

"Yeah, of course." he said, swallowing hard, nodding a little too enthusiastically. "Don't know what I'm going to say..."

She pulled him against her, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, running a comforting hand up and down his back.

"Are you glad you went?" she whispered into his ear. He sucked in a ragged breath before shaking his head.

"Yes, I am. It's good to know. He seems like a good man, that helps. A horrible father, but not a bad person," he said with a humorless laugh. "Thank you, for coming with me," he murmured against her neck, breathing her in.

Their fight from last night seemed so far away right now. All the hurt and shattered trust unimportant. She wanted to protect him from his father. And, really, that's all he was trying to do.

Keep her safe.

She pulled his face between her palms, kissing him. His mouth fell open under hers, drawing comfort from the slide of her tongue against his.

"Where else would I have been?" she asked, pulling away, breathless. She leaned until her forehead rested against his.

He smiled, eyes crinkling.

...

Kate woke with a start, heart pounding in her chest, pulling at her scar. She took a breath, her lungs burning with need. She sat up searching, blindly groping in the dark until her hand hit his bare back, warm and moving.

She let out a long sigh of relief, leaning back against her headboard. He was fine. It was just a dream. Nightmare, it was a nightmare. She hadn't had one in months, especially since he'd been with her most nights.

But...God, if she closed her eyes she could still see all the blood. _His_ blood.

It wasn't the cemetery.

It was usually the cemetery, and Castle's reflexes were always a little sharper and he was always just a little quicker. She shuddered.

This was a new one. And he didn't take a bullet that was supposed to be hers this time. They were_ aiming_ for him. And they didn't miss.

She looked over at her partner, on his stomach, head turned toward her. She slid down until they were even, her head resting on his pillow.

"Rick," she whispered across the short distance between them.

His eye brows furrowed, a small grunt rumbling through his chest. She brought a hand up, dragging her finger tips across his face, tracing his eyebrows, pushing the hair off his forehead.

"Babe," she tried again, tugging lightly on his ear. He jerked awake, eyes blinking and searching. He rolled onto to his side, wrapping an arm around her waist.

"Hmm?" He hummed, eyes slipping shut again, squeezing her against him.

"Castle," she said a little louder, startling him.

"What? What's wrong?" he mumbled, glancing over her shoulder at the clock.

She doesn't even know how late it is. Never looked, unable shake the feeling of his blood under her hands.

"I need you to stop."

"What?" he asked, trying to sit up, worry painting his face. She wrapped a hand at his neck, keeping him laying down and close.

She needed him close.

"Please stop working on my mom's case. I get it. I know why you're doing it and I love you for trying, but please stop," her voice broke, a choked sob tumbling from her chest. The images from her nightmare still rolling around her head.

She can't...

She _won't_ lose him.

"Please," she whispered again. "They'll kill you."

His eyes were wide, concern pouring from them.

"Okay, okay," he murmured, crushing her against him. "I'll stop."

He cradled her against him, until she could breathe again. His hand pushing her hair back off her face, cheeks wet and salty. He pressed a kiss beneath each of her eyes, taking away what moisture he could.

"I can't-I can't lose you," she said, almost too quietly to catch.

"You won't, I'm right here."

She let out a shaky breath, the tension from the dream finally leaving her. Pressing her open mouth to his jaw, she nibbled at his scruff. He grunted, titling her chin until he could properly take her mouth.

...

They broke apart; breathing heavy, Kate relaxed. Both sated.

Castle got up for water, bringing them both back a glass.

"Thank you," she murmured, as he slid back under the covers.

"No, thank _you,"_ he replied, leering.

She hid her grin behind her glass as she took a long sip, feeling finding its way back to her limbs. She sagged back against his chest, his arms snaking around her shoulders.

"You good?" He asked, lips at her temple.

She nodded, turning her head to catch his mouth.

"A lot has happened these past few days," she said with a sigh. "Everyone knows..."

"Yeah," he breathed. "It was kind of fun sneaking around. Although the looks on Ryan and Esposito's faces were pretty great. And Lanie didn't give you too hard of a time either," he said.

She laughed, pulling back and twisting to look at him.

"Lanie, is still going to kick my ass. And the boys...they caught us _making out_ in the precinct, there is no way they're letting that go."

"Yeah, about that..."

"Never happening again," she said cutting him off.

"But-"

"Nope."

"Fine," he mumbled, pouting.

She smirked, pulling herself up until she straddled his lap. He gripped her thighs, eyes darkening. He grabbed her chin between his finger and thumb.

"I love you," he whispered, guiding her closer, pressing a kiss lightly against her lips.

"Love you, too."

...

a/n: That's all there is! Thank you everyone for reading and reviewing. I greatly appreciate it. Now back to writing the novel.

**This would have been up early last night if the document uploader on this site was working.**


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